Friday, July 6, 2012

Jess vs. Isaiah 58

This morning I've been spending some time in Isaiah and I wanted to pause and take a moment to reflect on Isaiah 58.

Here we see a good ole case of false piety. Isaiah is commanded to confront God's people about their hypocrisy. Their religiousness.

Sound familiar yet?

This passage is dripping with irony and sarcasm, an interesting, and in my opinion, admirable approach by the Big Guy. God tells Isaiah, "They act like a righteous nation that would never abandon the laws of its God. They ask me to take action on their behalf, pretending they want to be near me (emphasis my own). 'We have fasted before you!', they say, 'Why aren't you impressed? We have been very hard on ourselves, and you don't even notice it!' "I will tell you why!" I respond, "It's because you are fasting to please yourselves. Even while you fast, you keep oppressing your workers. What good is fasting when you keep on fighting and quarreling? This kind of fasting will never get you anywhere with me. You humble yourselves by going through the motions of penance, bowing your heads like reeds bending in the wind. You dress in burlap and cover yourselves with ashes. Is this what you call fasting? Do you really think this will please the Lord? (again, emphasis my own)- vs. 2-5

Clearly, these people are doing something wrong. And they are God's people. We, as believers, must be careful not to think that our religiousness pleases the Lord when our hearts are not in the right place. We must be willing to examine our actions and the reasons why we do them. Do we seek to please the Lord or ourselves?

Do I seek to please the Lord or myself?

So why is the Lord not pleased? What does he want his people to be doing? Let's keep reading.

"No this is the kind of fasting I want: free those who are wrongly imprisoned; lighten the burden of those who work for you. Let the oppressed go free, and remove the chains that bind people. Share your food with the hungry, and give shelter to the homeless. Give clothes to those who need them, and do not hide from relatives who need your help." -vs. 6-7

And then we are given a promise. If we do these things...

"Then your salvation will come like the dawn, and your wounds will quickly heal. Your godliness will lead you forward, and the glory of the Lord will protect you from behind. Then when you call, the Lord will answer, 'Yes, I am here,' He will quickly reply. (quickly? Say whaaa?)-vs. 8-9

I believe that the Lord wants to bless his people. That's why he disciplines them and corrects them when they are on the wrong path. He wants us to know that there is a path to blessing, and it's not through ritualistic means or by doing "all the right things" with a wrong attitude. Blessing will come when we do the things that he asks us to do, and with a servant's heart.

I don't think that blessings and curses are simply a means of punishment and reward. While they can serve as those things, I think that our big God created them to be more than that. There's something else going on here. What I mean is, I believe that God created the universe to be a certain way, to act a certain way. There are laws and principles that guide the universe. We see this when we look at science (which by the way, I believe is not in opposition to God). So similarly to how we know that for every action, there is an equal but opposite reaction, or how we know that gravity is what holds us down, I think there is a principle embedded in the very purposes of the universe that says something like, obedience brings blessing. Serving the Lord brings blessing. Serving God's people brings blessing. Disobedience brings consequences. Sin brings suffering. Not because we are like one of B.F. Skinner's pigeons, receiving a treat every time we push the right button, but because God designed the universe to work that way. He designed the universe to display his glory. He weaved blessing into the design, so that we, his creation, could get a glimpse of his glory, and receive blessing from our Creator. We have access to his blessing, and he reveals this to us in Isaiah 58 (among other passages in the Bible). If we come into agreement with this, if we acknowledge the Lord's holy power, and his desire to bless his children, how much more will we experience his glory and his blessing!

I want to end with verse 11 in Isaiah 58 because I think that it's really powerful.

"The Lord will guide you continually, giving you water when you are dry and restoring your strength. You will be like a well-watered garden, like an every-flowing spring."

I know what it's like to feel dry, to feel weak and weary. Oh what a promise, to be guided continually by our Creator, to have our strength restored, and our garden full of life.

Monday, June 25, 2012

Jess vs. brother vs. the ipad

Today I am going to tell a story. A story that has its roots in the physicality of our world, but as usual has an accompanying heavenly meaning if one wishes to see it.

A couple of weeks ago I had to the opportunity to go to the beach with my family and some family friends. Due to uncooperating weather on one of the mornings, we decided to go to the outlet mall and afterward, we went to Fudpuckers for lunch. For those of you who have been to the Fudpuckers in Destin, Fl, you know that there are many things to look at while waiting to be seated. The gators seem to be what catches most everyones eye when they go, but for the opportunistic well-wishers of this world, there are the game machines that require a mere $1 out of your wallet to win a superb prize. This one prize in particular, caught my brother's eye. Johnny, who happens to fall in the category of an opportunistic well-wisher, saw the ipad hanging in the machine and thought, "I can win that ipad." And so began the journey of the Fudpuckers ipad. It didn't help that one of the workers there said that someone usually wins the ipad at least once a week, and there were pictures to prove it. For $1, you get to try and line up a blade that is maybe a quarter of an inch to cut the string that beholds your prize. 18 tries and $18 later, still no ipad, and we were being called to be seated. As we were walking back, Johnny said to me, "I know I can win it, I got so close." After remembering my parents owe him $20 for mowing the yard, he headed back downstairs to give it another go. After watching him I even gave it a few tries myself. I guess I was inspired. $38 and several almost successes later, he returned to the table with no prize. But he says to me, "after Mommy gave me the first $10, I had this vision of me walking back upstairs with the ipad and the other $9. We laughed. But it got me thinking about the importance of vision and the role it plays in our lives. In accomplishing our dreams. That vision, of him holding his prize, the symbol and reward of his success, is what kept him going. Kept him investing. Some might say the vision just made him waste more time and money, others might say he was getting closer and closer to his goal, and if he had just kept trying, maybe he would have got the ipad. It depends on who you ask and what angle they're looking at the situation from. This game in particular might be a silly waste of time, I don't know, but the situation got me thinking. Thinking about vision.

To me, I think vision is just a picture of what could be. That, at least, is the context I am referring to in this post when I say vision. It's a direction in which you can take your first steps toward. Vision is so real that it invokes some sort of real response. An action. It starts off with a thought and ends as an action, a movement. It births hope and excitement, stirring you on the inside and encouraging you to do something great. Something extraordinary. Something beyond you. Sometimes our visions can simply be a result of our wishes, like winning an ipad. But I think many times our vision in life comes from God. When we are continually seeking to please the Lord, we become in tune with another language, a heavenly language. A language from above that speaks to our hearts. To our souls. A language that births hope and excitement. A language that evokes a powerful emotion. To me, a language that causes an emotional response is still a valid form of communication. God made us and he designed the emotions that we feel. And He designed us to feel them. For emotions carry us to places and allow us to travel from one place to another. Emotions take us from bitterness to forgiveness, from grief to joy. In their purest form, emotions guide us through the very depths of our souls, providing us safe travel through the heaviness of life. And vision, this heavenly language, a gift from God, also guides us. Both emotion and vision come from the Lord, who is ultimately the one who is guiding us.

When a vision comes into our hearts, we must choose to come into agreement with it or not. When we align ourselves completely with a vision, we begin to move forward. We begin to try and make that vision real in our lives. We might just spend $38 on trying to win an ipad. We might just risk everything for this thing in our hearts that spurs us on and gives us life. And that's the thing about trying to determine whether or not vision is God-birthed or self-birthed. I think we have to ask ourselves, is it life-giving? Because Jesus came to give us life, and give it abundantly. That's not to say we never get tired and weary of doing life-work for the Lord, but if we're constantly being sucked dry and seeing negative consequences in our life and family, then maybe we need to reevaluate our vision. And in our reevaluating, we need to always be willing to ask ourselves, am I doing this for my glory or the Lord's? Whose name do I want to be made known in the fulfillment of this vision? Those are some questions to keep us on track as we chase our dreams and desires. Whether our dreams and desires are categorized as "big" or "small", the importance and necessity of these questions remains the same. Because while our dreams and desires may change, the identity of our creator who gives us our dreams and desires, remains the same.

So when we get a vision, when the Lord speaks to our heart, I think it is crucial to come into agreement with it. Not just crucial, but empowering. A gift. When the Lord gives us a vision, he is giving us a taste of what He wants for us. He is painting a small part of the picture so we have a framework, so we have a choice in whether or not we want to see the whole picture. I think it is important to remember that "getting a vision" from the Lord does not have to be some grand ah-ha moment. It can be, sure. But it also comes in sweet, soft whispers. A simple but overwhelming peace about a certain situation or person can be all that we need to know for which direction to take our first step.

He is inviting us to come alongside him, to experience wonder, beauty, and life. But most of all, he wants us to experience Himself. Because of the sinful state of teh world we live in, we will also experience pain, sadness, trials, and tempations. But oh how sweet it is to know that the Father loves us and wants us to know Him. To know his goodness. His faithfulness. And to know that He has a plan for our lives. There is purpose in our existence. There is purpose in our suffering. there is purpose that is beyond our understanding. We are not merely here to get as much pleasure out of life as we can before we pass on into an unknown place. No. It is known. Both before, now, and after are known. Our creator knows. And he didn't leave us to fend for ourselves. He speaks to us. He gives us vision. He gives us life that even words fail to express, that makes emotion struggle to keep up. Our God is great. Our God is true. Our God speaks. He speaks to our hearts. He gives us vision.

Lord, I ask you for vision. Lord, would you speak to my heart and place something there that makes me excited, that fills me with peace. Give me wisdom to discern your voice from my own or from the enemy. In the day to day events that make up my life, would you help me to have vision and to bring all glory to your name. For you alone are worthy. Thank you Lord for all you have given me, and thank you for what you have taken away. You are the Lord of my life. No one is like you, oh Lord. May my soul always be content in you.






Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Jess vs. the choir book

It is March 21, 2012. In exactly 54 days I will be graduating from college. Today I finally made it over to the bookstore to order my cap and gown, and as I stood among three Chinese students who didn't seem to grasp the fact that you can't buy cap and gowns, but instead you rent them, this fact started to sink in. Four years have quickly escaped me, but have given me memories, opportunities, and experiences that I will never forget. I look back and reflect, and like most people, I have both a sense of accomplishment, and a sense of what if I did it this way? It is, of course, pointless to wonder about the what ifs, for they only keep our gaze pointed backward, and not forward. So amidst trying to turn my gaze, I have asked myself, where exactly do I turn? Do I turn to the future, focusing my thoughts on the possibilities of what will be? Do I only think about the present, for that is the only thing that I can be sure of?

In today's society, it's almost unacceptable to not be worried about something. We have pills for anxiety, and pills for the mental illnesses that our anxiety brings upon us. I remember being in abnormal psych and learning about all the crazy mental illnesses that exist now and it amazes me! But sometimes I feel like something is wrong with me if I am not worrying as much as everyone else. Oh you're not worried? Well you must not have really thought it through. You must be too young and naive to understand the dire circumstance you are in. I admit, I have my moments where I start getting anxious and worried. But overall I consider myself to be at a place in life where I don't worry so much anymore. And it's not because I've "arrived", or know all the answers or anything like that. But it's because I learned where to fix my gaze. I learned some simple truths that help me keep perspective in the times where anxiety wants to start driving the ship.

I went to lunch last Sunday with my parents, Stephen, and this other older couple (and by older I mean my parents age). Really Stephen and I just crashed their party and got some free food. Anyways, while we were waiting for our food, this other lady started telling a story about one time in choir practice. Apparently one day at practice, the sound guy forgot to turn my mom on in the choir's monitors. In other words, they couldn't hear her voice and therefore did not know where to go in the song. So this woman realizes it and stands up to try to get the sound guy's attention. She progresses from standing up and yelling his name, to waving her arms in the air, to waving her choir book in the air. The sound guy isn't looking at her and therefore has no idea that the choir is flying blind. Her husband, who was playing guitar, looks over and thinks she's gone mad. Other choir members simply thought she was doing what she normally does in choir, which is praise Jesus with both the bottom of her soul and her hand motions. So picture a choir (sitting down) with one sole woman standing up and waving her choir book in the air, desperately trying to flag down the sound guy and get his attention. But he doesn't see her. He's not looking at her.

After I heard this story I began to think to myself, if God is the choir woman, I don't want to be the sound guy. I don't want God to have to stand up waving his choir book in the air, shouting my name and trying to get my attention because I have no clue since I'm not looking at him. Because I don't have my gaze fixed upon Him. 


So getting back to the unanswered questions above...

Where do I fix my gaze? I do not think it should be on the past, the future, or even the present. I think it should be fixed upon the Lord. Because when it comes down to it, if I make sure I am doing this, then I can be sure that when the Lord wants me to do something, I will be able to do it in that moment because I will see him directing me, leading me, and guiding me. (so in this sense, the present is pretty important) So each day, that is my goal. To fix my eyes upon the Lord. And though I am far from perfect, and I often turn my gaze, I know that ultimately if I can train my heart, mind, and soul to do this, I will not miss what the Lord has for me. And I know that his grace is sufficient for me, sufficient enough to help me turn back my gaze when I start to get sidetracked, when I start to focus on the past, present, or future. I do not mean that we are to go through life without a care in the world, or a plan. I simply mean that the plan will unfold if we turn to the plan maker, and not try to make the plans ourselves. For it is the Lord who knows each step that we take, and the plan he has for us (Jeremiah 29:11). The truth is, we can not know what each new day will bring. We can only be sure of the hope that we have in our creator, who has our lives in his good hands.

So yes, plan (tentatively). Dream. But don't worry about what the future holds for you. Don't worry about what job you're going to get, or how you will have enough money to pay back your student loans. Don't worry about when you're going to get married. Don't worry about your future. Trust in the Lord for he is good. Yes, I know that this is easier said than done. But saying it is the first step to believing it, and believing it empowers you to live life in a different way. Free of worry. Free of anxiety. Full of trust.

Check out Matthew 6:24-34

"That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life- whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn't life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don't plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren't you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don't work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith? So don't worry about these things, saying, 'What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear? These things doinate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today.

You may not worry about having food to eat, or clothing to wear, so fill in the blank. Whatever it is that you worry about, consider the truths that Jesus has spoken in this passage. He tells us not to worry about tomorrow, and above all, seek first the kingdom of God. So let's seek. Let's seek the presence of the Lord. Let's seek his kingdom, and not our world. The way I see it is, we can choose to live in his kingdom, or choose to live in this world. And while my flesh often wants the world, I know that what I truly want and need is to be a part of his kingdom right here on earth.

"Seek the Lord while you can find him. Call on him now while he is near."- Isaiah 55:6

"Search for the Lord and for his strength. Continually seek him."- 1 Chronicles 16:11

"You have said, 'seek my face', my heart says to you, 'you're face, Lord, do I seek'."- Psalm 27:8

Lord, sometimes I feel trapped in my worry and my anxiety and my what ifs. Would you help me turn my gaze upon you? I desire to seek you all the days of my life. I desire to gaze upon your beauty and dwell in your house. I don't want you to have to wave me down, trying to get my attention. I want to see you, I don't want to miss what you have for me. I know that your word promises that when I seek you, I will find you. So I will trust in this promise and look to you. I am yours and not my own. My life belongs to you and not to myself. I will go where you want me to go and I will do what you want me to do. For I know you have a plan for me, and I know that it is good. It is better than any plan I could make for myself.

I learned many years ago that making plans don't cause your capacity to worry to go away. We worry and then we make a plan to make that worry go away. And then when that plan falls through, we worry even more. Really, it's quite ridiculous. Only complete trust in the one who is completely sovereign over everything He has created will allow us to live in peace. Only complete trust that the Lord has a personal plan for our lives will free us from the bondage of worry and allow us to fully live life seeking first the kingdom of God. And then here comes another promise... everything else will be given unto us. Everything we need we will have simply because we chose to surrender our own plans and worries and give them to the Lord. Because we chose to fix our gaze on Him.

People ask me what I am going to do with my life, and I have simply started replying, well I don't exactly know yet. I know that I am currently planning on taking online seminary courses and getting my masters in Christian ministry. I know that the Lord wants me to love him and love his people. I know that I want to be a mom, and probably adopt one day. Beyond that, I have no idea. And I'm perfectly ok with it. Maybe I'll end up substitute teaching, coaching little kids play sports, being a stay at home mom, volunteering as a worship leader, or frick, I might even end up being a missionary in another country. Today, I have no idea. But I know that as long as I keep my gaze fixed upon him, then when he reveals what he has for me, I can say, ok Lord, let's do this. I'm all in. And you didn't even have to start waiving your choir book.

So here's to fixin our gaze on you, Lord.






Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Jess vs. the talent

Have you ever read the parable of the talents? Matthew captures this moment of Jesus' teaching in chapter 25 vs. 14-30 of his book. Jesus is teaching about the kingdom of heaven and what it is like. Let's back up for a minute and look at the context of this parable. The disciples come to him and ask him about the destruction of the temple. They want to know when it will happen. They want to know what to expect and when to expect it. Jesus gives some description of what that day will be like, but he doesn't say when because even he doesn't know. "But concerning that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father only" (24:36). Enter the parable of the talents.

Characters:
:: master ::
:: servant #1 ::
:: servant #2 ::
:: servant #3 ::

Plot:
The master summons his three servants, and according to their ability, he gives them a certain amount of talents. One talent is equivalent to 20 years wages. To put in it in today's perspective, that would be equivalent to about $800,000. To servant #1, he gives 5 talents. To servant #2, he gives 2 talents. And to servant #3, he gives 1 talent. The first two servants go away and multiply what they have been given by twice the amount. But the third servant goes and buries his talent in the ground, because he is afraid of his master. Later on, the master summons his servants to settle their accounts. To the first two servants, he replies, "Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful with a few things, I will put you in charge of many things; enter into the joy of your master". But to the third servant he says, "You wicked, lazy servant, you knew that I reap where I did not sow and gather where I scattered no seed. Then you ought to have put my money in the bank, and on my arrival I would have received interest. Therefore, take away the talent from him, and give it to the one who has the ten talents."

Wow. Oh to be the faithful servant with whom our master is well pleased. How scary it would be to be called wicked and lazy.

Over the weekend I went on a youth retreat to help lead worship. This passage was the theme. We all have entrustments. We all have something that the Lord has given us to use to glorify him and to spread his fame. The question is what is it? How can we use it? Here are the questions that we need to ask ourselves as believers in Christ... What is God entrusting me with? What am I doing with what I have been given? Am I multiplying it or am I burying it because I am afraid? I think that an entrustment can be almost anything. It doesn't have to be some special ability or talent. It can be whatever we have been given, that of which we simply use to bring God glory. It can be a talent, like playing a musical instrument, being good at sports, being creative, etc. But it can also be a relationship, or your personality, or anything really!

So once we identify what it is that we have been given, or what we have been entrusted with, we then have to ask ourselves, am I being faithful with it? So how do we know if we are being faithful with it or not? Here's where we can look at the different responses of the three servants to gain some insight. The first two servants don't have to say much because their faithfulness speaks for itself. The third servant, however, talks as if he wants to get as many verses in the Bible as he can. Why? Because he's giving excuses. He's defending himself. He says well master I thought you were a hard man and I was afraid so I buried my talent and I know that you reap what you don't sow and gather where you don't spread seed (babbling on and on). When you're unfaithful, you'll automatically know because you'll start to defend yourself. You'll talk a lot, and make excuses. The truth of the matter is, when you're faithful, you don't have to say anything because your actions will speak for themselves.

Wickedness brings blame. Wisdom takes responsibility.

A fool makes excuses, and because of that, he'll never change.

When we are unfaithful with what we have been given, it will be given to the one who has been faithful. If we are not faithful, we will lose what has been entrusted to us. (vs. 28)

I ask myself in this moment, as the master comes, is the response in my heart no? Because if it is, then I will be condemned as lazy and wicked.

Am I governed by fear or guided by trust?
What size risks will I take for God?
Do I share the perspective of the faithful servants or the wicked servant who was distrustful of his master?
Does my love for Jesus make me want to act like him?

These questions are sobering. These questions contain truths that exist whether we want them to or not. I've realized that you're either the faithful servant, or the wicked servant. There is no neutral. You either multiply your entrustment, or you bury it.

To illustrate this point to the youth on this trip, the staff had a "ceremony" at the beginning of the retreat in which each student received a wooden coin. They were told that this coin was their entrustment. They were to keep it on them at all times as a reminder of the Lord and what he has given to them. At the end of the retreat, a second ceremony was held, in which the students were invited to come up to the front and receive a special golden coin if they had their wooden coins with them. Basically, if they were faithful and kept up with their wooden coin, they would be rewarded with this awesome $6 coin that was designed specifically for this retreat. I watched from the stage as I strummed my guitar and participated in worship. I watched kids go to the left and receive their golden coin, and then receive smiles, hugs, and congratulations from the leaders because they were faithful servants. The master's response to them was well done my good and faithful servant. But I also watched several of the students who had either lost their coin, didn't care about it, or didn't bother to bring it as they walked to the other side of the room with looks of anger, sadness, and disappointment. Now this might seem silly, but it was a powerful moment for them. Because they were condemned by the master. They didn't get to enter into the joy of their master, and they didn't get told well done. They didn't get hugs and congratulations. They had to watch their friends participate in joy while they stood quietly on the other side. Later in the evening, Peter talked about the grace of God and invited those who didn't get golden coins to come receive one. So then I got to observe the "lazy unfaithfuls" participate in the joyous moment. Monday morning we got to hear some of the kids give their testimonies of what the Lord taught them over the weekend. I think the ones who forgot their wooden coins learned the most. They talked about how they felt so angry and disappointed with themselves. "All I had to do was keep up with a silly wooden coin, and I couldn't even do that." "I threw it on my bed and didn't even think about it." They said when they ended up receiving the golden coin, they didn't even feel like they deserved it. It's cool how powerful this illustration was for them. I think most of them really learned what it means to be faithful with what you have been given. And to those who are faithful with little, will be given even more.

One girl talked about how she was trying to figure out what her entrustment was. Then she realized it was her awkward personality. She said, "I knew I was awkward, but I didn't know He could use it."

Here are some other things that these teenagers said in front of the entire youth group and staff:

"You're never too young to mentor."

Wisdom isn't just for old people."

"God answers prayers in three ways: yes, not yet, or I have something better."

"I never felt anything before, I didn't understand "God". I didn't understand why everyone stands with their hands in the air saying Jesuuuss. But last night, when I didn't have my coin, I finally felt something. And when I got my golden coin, I finally understood what God was like. He forgives you."

"If we bury our entrustment, then we'll be even worse off than before we received it."

"Each step is a new adventure."

"Entrustment brings excitement."

"Say yes to the Lord."

It's important to understand that God entrusts us with things. He gives us things to use to impact his kingdom. And in turn, we must be faithful with what we have been given. Because ultimately, the most important thing in life is to glorify the Lord and make his name known. We can talk to strangers and maybe give them a small dose of the joy that we receive from our master. We can encourage people going through hard times. We can relate to someone by using some small piece of knowedge we have about a tv show, and then maybe that relationship will grow, and we can eventually talk to them about the Lord and how he's changed our life. We can play sports with people who are caught up in a worldly lifestyle, and maybe reach out to them. We can share our life story with someone. We can share our struggles and the difficult things that we have endured. We can be awkward. We can be serious. We can be silly. We can be whatever the Lord has given us to make an impact on someone's life.

Lord, I want to be the faithful servant. I dont' want to be wicked. I don't want to be lazy. I don't want to bury this moment, or any other. I don't want to bury what you have given me. Help me to recognize what you have entrusted to me. What I have is yours. I will not be afraid. I will trust you. I will enter into the joy of my master!