Day two of the 'journey of the blog' has begun and I just now saw that I can title my posts. (I told you I was new at this). Hence, I shall make a tribute to one of my favorite TV shows, Chuck, and name my posts like the writers of Chuck name their episodes. I guess in all reality it is like I am writing a small episode of my life here in this blog, so it only seems fitting. That, and in another life, I'd totes be down for being a spy with an 80's Tron poster hanging up in my bedroom.
I digress...
To more important matters like what God has already shown me today. I woke up this morning and prayed that God would open my eyes. That I would see him in someone else today. And I did. And the day isn't even over! I had just gotten out of my adult and adolescent development class, which is my last class for the day. As I started walking with my bike rolling at my side and my ipod headphones in my ears, I spotted something that caught my attention. I saw a girl walking with crutches. Both her legs were wrapped from her ankles to her knees and she walked slowly and gingerly down the sidewalk through the bustle of all of the rest of the people hurrying to their classes, to lunch, or to whatever other destination. I immediately wondered to myself, what happened to her? And then I thought, maybe I should try to talk to her and maybe even pray with her. Before I go any further, I need to tell a story...
Maybe about a month ago, my husband and I were at home visiting for a brief amount of time. While I was there, I took a quick trip to Publix to get a few items that were necessary for my Grandma to make us a wonderful meal. When I pulled into a parking spot, I saw a man sitting on the curb right next to his car. He looked like he was waiting for something. What, I didn't know. But all of a sudden I felt a very strong urge to go and talk to him. I felt like the Lord wanted me to talk to him, but I didn't know why and I was afraid of being wrong, so I rationalized the thought away and walked into the store. When I came back out, he was still there, still looking like he was waiting for something, or someone. I again felt this sense that I should talk to him but instead I got inside my car. And by my car, I mean Stephen's car, which is a Prius. Yeah I know, a prius. If you've ever driven one then maybe you know how difficult they are to start if you've never done it before. Well after debating with God for awhile about why I didn't really have to go talk to the man, I tried to start the Prius. And I'll be darned if I couldn't get the thing to start. I couldn't put the car in reverse. I took this as a sign that God was giving me a THIRD chance to get up and talk to that man, and to trust that whatever the need was, the Lord would help me. I was nervous. I was afraid. I was doubtful. And then the man got up and walked into Publix. Probably because he thought it was odd that this girl kept looking at him and not leaving even though she got in her car like ten minutes ago. Totally made that situation awkward. Not to mention, I was disobedient. I drove away knowing that the Lord had given me an opportunity, and I didn't take it. He spoke to me, and I chose not to listen because I was afraid of failure. Because I was disobedient, I didn't get to experience God's blessing, which he wanted to pour out on me in that moment. So as I said in my previous post, I want to get better at obeying God in the context of hearing his voice and obeying him. You never know how He is working and how He will use you!
After that happened, I made a promise to myself and to the Lord that the next time I would listen. Next time, I would go. Next time, I would put my fear aside and step out of the boat onto the water, knowing that Jesus is calling to me on the other side, wanting to show me his goodness and faithfulness.
So back to today... Instead of turning right to ride my bike back home, I turned left to see if the Lord would give me an opportunity to talk to her. I prayed and eventually I ended up sitting next to her at the tiger transit area. As I was thinking about what I could say, she ended up getting a phone call and got up to go get into the car of whoever was picking her up. So no, I didn't get to actually talk to her, or pray with her. But I did pray FOR her. I prayed for physical healing of her legs and I prayed that she would feel the love of her Savior. I don't know anything about this girl, I simply followed her (in the most non-creepy way possible) and then prayed for her. I think about the verse in James chapter 5 that says the prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. And I trust that this is true. I believe in the power of prayer because I believe in the power of my God. And I know that he hears me. And he hears you.
Maybe God just wanted to see if I would go, like I promised. It's kind of like when He asked Abraham to sacrifice his son Isaac, but then He ended up providing a ram for the sacrifice. I don't know. Obviously there wasn't as much at stake in my case. All I know is that I am called to be obedient, and that's what I'm going to try to do, with God's grace covering me. As I rode away on my bike I started thinking about her situation and what it required her to do. And as if to reiterate his point, God also brought to my attention that the song playing in my ears was Able by Needtobreathe, which sings, I'm not able on my own. I'm not able on my own. Just like that girl, who was walking on crutches with two weakened legs, is not able on her own. Her situation requires her to be dependent on other people, on something other than herself. It requires her to have help carrying her things, and it requires her to ask someone else to come pick her up from her classes. I do not know if that girl is a believer, but I do know this. As a believer, I want that kind of dependency. I want to be dependent on the Lord because He is the only one who will carry me through. He knows me and the plans He has for me. He can plan things way better than I can.
You see, I have this tendency to be very independent. I do not like to depend on anyone. I take comfort in the fact that I am completely capable of taking care of myself and taking care of the things that I need to get done. I feel good when I accomplish something on my own, and my pride has a terrible knack for getting in the way of being even remotely dependent on anyone. Naturally, this carries over into my relationship with the Lord. So today, as He let me notice that girl with the crutches, he reminded me of dependency. Dependency on Him, because He will never leave me or forsake me. What a promise.
Lord, please continue to open my eyes to see things like I saw today. Help me not to just see a girl with crutches, but to see a need for dependency. You are evident everywhere, we need only to open our eyes to see you. Thank you for your sense of humor, for your grace, and for your patience with me. I am your daughter, a silly little girl who is stubborn and prideful. I need you Lord. Thank you for the reminders that you give me. You are good, faithful, and true.
I will end with this declarative statement: I am not able on my own.
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