So up until this point I'd never even read a blog. I didn't know how to get to one or what the point of one was. I don't consider myself to be apt in the ways of 'the blog' in any way shape or form. Yet somehow, here I am. My best friend Sara thinks my blog name is "emo", but actually it's based off of Song of Solomon 1:5: "I am very dark but lovely..." Read it. The whole book. It's cool. It's a very intense love story that depicts the love that Christ has for his bride. We are his bride, the church. We are dark, but lovely. We are sinful, but redeemed. We are disobedient, yet loved. As I sit in Toomer's coffee reading this passage I am in awe of how much my maker loves me. I am in awe because I know how sinful I am, yet He still loves me. He has seen me for who I really am, and He still chose me to be in his family. He has a plan for my life and wants me to experience the vastness of his love. No matter what happens to me in this life, I know that my Lord and King adopted me as his daughter into his family (See Romans 8:14-17). If you are lonely, or ever feel alone, hear this. God places the lonely in families (Psalm 68:5-6).
To back up a bit, I guess I started this blog for a couple of reasons. One, I have a terrible memory and need to write things down to remember them. And writing things down helps me to process my thoughts. Two, I want to challenge myself. I want to challenge myself to broaden my perspective in this world and to see the world as God sees it, not just how I see it. Because how I see it is limited. Limited by my experiences, my views, my judgments, and my sinfulness. So I need God to help me see things better. So that's my challenge to myself, and then at the end of the day I will process and write. Write what I learn here in this space. Other people don't necessarily need to read it. Maybe it's just for me, and that's ok. Third, I need to learn how to obey the Lord better. I know this is a broad and maybe simple statement. But goodness, it's not always a simple action. What I mean by this is simply hearing the voice and heart of God and obeying. Because obedience brings blessing. When we obey, no matter if it's in a "big" or "small" way, we will be blessed because when we are in obedience to God's will, we are at the center of that same will. And that is a wonderful place to be. When I'm there, I don't want to leave. But I inevitably do. We all do. thank goodness for heavenly grace, that allows us to step back into it.
I am no one special. I am just a simple girl who loves Jesus. I am fallen and sinful just like anyone else. But I know that the Lord can use me, just like he can use you, and I want to make myself completely available to what he has for me. I have learned to always keep my plans and dreams on the table. Because you never know what the Lord has in store for you, but I do know that it's always better than what I have in store for myself. Amen for that. So I write not because I feel like I have anything to say, but because I know that I have a lot to learn. And this is just the way I have chosen to express it. I will fall, and the Lord will pick me back up. And in the spaces in between, I hope to chronicle what happens so that I can look back and connect the dots, and be reminded that God is real and he is active and he is powerful. He goes before me and he fights for me (Exodus 1:30-31).
To be completely transparent, I can't believe I'm actually about to push the button that says publish. It's like by pushing that button I'm making a commitment and I can't go back. I know that when I push that button my thoughts and feelings will be out there, to be judged. And that is a scary thing. But I guess that's why I'm doing this, to stretch myself and take myself to a vulnerable place where only the Lord can be relied on. In a sense I am exposing myself, and that is not something I am generally ok with. Alas, as I embark on the journey of 'the blog', Lord I pray that you will be glorified. That maybe, in the end, this will not actually be a blog about me, but about you, and your love for ALL of your children.
I will end with this declarative statement. I am dark, but lovely.
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